My Secret

I wanted to share something after reading another post dealing with women’s health.  I think it’s important as women to talk about things that we are dealing with to help us get though them, and to help other women who are dealing with the same things. It’s not always comfortable to talk about these things, but you never know who is dealing with the same things you are, and it may really help to talk to others. I am warning you now, this post could get a little long.

So I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I had a miscarriage in January. It’s something that was much more difficult for me to deal with than I could have imagined, and very few people even know about it. Other than having Little G 5 weeks early, my first pregnancy was pretty easy. This one, not so much. I found out I was pregnant on November 30, 2012. Little G was about to be 1 and I did not feel like was ready for another one. After the initial shock wore off, I saw it as the blessing that it was, and started getting excited. We were leaving for a trip to Disney World the next day, so I knew I was going to have to share the news because everybody would want to know why I was skipping out on some of my favorite rides.

After a trip to the craft store, I made a shirt for Little G to announce that she was going to be a big sister. As soon as we got to Florida, we changed her into it and waited for somebody to notice. My mom saw it first and everybody shared in our excitement. My first doctor’s appointment was a couple of weeks after I got back from our trip. We went in and had an ultrasound. I can’t even describe how amazing it is to see your little baby for the first time (even though it just looks like a little blob on the screen at that time). The baby was measuring behind, but they thought maybe it was because my dates were off. They didn’t hear a heartbeat, but were able to see one. It was then that I just knew that something was wrong. I knew that my dates were not off. After talking to the doctor, we scheduled an appointment in two weeks, just to make sure that things were progressing normally. She didn’t seem too concerned at that point, but didn’t want to wait too long before getting me back in. That was the longest wait of my life.

In that two weeks, I felt my pregnancy symptoms disappear. I knew that I was going to lose our baby. I was only 9 weeks along, but I felt so attached to my little one. We went back to the doctor, and I cried the whole way there. I cried the whole time I waited for my ultrasound. Finally, my fears were confirmed…no heartbeat. Thankfully, my husband was there to help comfort me. We met with the doctor who went over our options. There are 3 things you can do when they don’t find a heartbeat: D&C, use medication to induce the miscarriage or just wait for things to happen naturally. We chose to let things happen naturally, and they did. I passed the baby while I was at work on January 7. That is such a strange feeling. I just couldn’t sit around at home and wait for it to happen. When I went to the doctor that Thursday, they confirmed that I had passed everything. My heart hurt for weeks, I cried a lot, and I still do (I am as I am typing this). My husband and I sometimes talk about what our angel baby is doing, and I can’t wait to meet him or her one day!

I learned a lot from the situation. I will never again wait to announce that I am pregnant. I think each one of my baby’s lives should be celebrated as soon as I know about it, and I think it helps to have friends to talk to if anything does happen. I didn’t have that this time, and I regret it. I learned that I will be happy to be a child’s mother for as long God blesses me with that baby, even if it’s just for 9 weeks while that baby is in my belly. I learned that pregnancy is such a miracle. Sometimes we take that for granted when everything is going as it should, but I never will again. Yes, I am scared about what may happen next time, but I hope that I can look past that and enjoy each pregnancy as much as possible.

If you have any questions about my experience, please feel free to email me at


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. olivetorun
    Mar 07, 2013 @ 20:21:50

    Thank you for being so willing to be open and share such a touchy topic.


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